sharp knife of a short life

Holy cow. just saw the most amazing thinspo and now i want to die.

literally i want to.

I started cutting again.

for some fucked up reason i had a mental breakdown. everyone was telling me i was tin and beautiful and all that bullshit. i of course believed them and let myself get to a sickening 135 pounds. fucking ridic.


for a bit of an update on my life, for those who give a fuck, I'm back in school.... not attending too regularly but they get my money every so often so im still enrolled. I'm seeing a man who has a girlfriend..... she lives all the way across the country now but he doesnt want to end things. usually i would have kicked him to the curb by now but unfortunately he's amazing... in bed, in life, in regular everyday conversation, and even when i have emotional breakdowns... i'm just so afraid that he's going to get sick of my bullshit. he knows more about me than anyone on the face of the earth and yet he is still there for me 110 percent of the time.
and yet,
i started cutting

i even went out to hobby lobby to buy myself an exacto and a shit ton of razorblades. 20 bucks down the drain but it wont make me skinny... that's what alli is for.

the box says to only take alli if you are overweight.. does this mean if i'm over my personal ideal weight? i'm taking that as a yes. the only wierd thing about it is that it makes me shit oil.....

yes. i said it.

DISGUSTING!!!
but in all reality, it's a much more horrific idea to think that all of that nasty oil was about to be digested and transformed into fluffy, yellowish failure all over my body. blech.

I miss you bitches. i need to come back. accept me again? I've been bad and i've ditched ana HARD for mia... mia is a bitch....

I love you all so much