HOLY CRAP!!!!
HOLY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
my mother had another conversation with me yesterday... I feel horrible because I'm breaking her heart by dong this to myself.
it went something like this, "b, there is no possible way that you could eat us out of house and home and look like that. You're scaring me honey." to that I apologized and explained that I don't enjoy hating myself. then came the big one "how would you feel if every day I ripped a piece of flesh off of someone you love (she's talking about my niece that I take care of every day), put it in your bed, and made you sleep with it, all the while you are desperately trying to save her. You would know that eventually i would win, eventually I would kill her but you would just keep on fighting to save her"
ouch.
she said that she didn't know how to help me.
I told her that I don't know how to help myself. I'd tell her if I did
so these are my options: get a therapist who specializes in EDs (particularly bulimia) or go into residential..... hmm lets see I think I'll pick the first one. honestly I've had a pretty darn peachy life so I don't know why I do what I do. I can't help it... I didn't choose it... but I don't know what started it.
love you all
xoxo
B
ps.. my posts may become less frequent.. i'll try to keep them up though
do what you need to - getting the binge eating & bulimia under control is a great thing to do for yourself. I hope you find a wonderful therapist, if you have several options, I strongly suggest you interview them all and find the one you feel fits you best. Never settle for a therapist, there are ones out there that are terrible at it - trust me.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck to you!
I've had a good life too.
ReplyDeleteSometimes things just are like this.
Maybe you'll find out why if you see the therapist. Keep us updated, girl. :] My heart goes out to you.
Hope you can find a way that will help you & her feel better. <3
ReplyDelete*Big hugs* Wow, your Mum is graphic and accurate 0.0 Mine is nowhere near that articulate!
ReplyDeleteI hope everything works out well. I'd go with the first one, and 'shop around' until you find someone who you like. Don't just pick the first one for comfort's sake, it makes thins a LOT worse to deal with in the long run if you get stuck with a twit for a psych.
All my love and well-wishings!
<3
my life has been pretty good too. i tell myself everyday, you have no reason to be the way you are. you have no point to get across. your just full of vanity and worrying the people around you without a care in the world. but you kno wht there must have been something tht triggered it. i doubt you woke up one morning and said "i want an eating disorder." some do, but im pretty sure you didnt. at this point if you are looking into help, focus on tht and later down the road youll be able to look back and maybe see wht started it. i think tht seeing someone would be a good idea. and dont forget tht you arent alone in this.
ReplyDeleteAw, sorry to hear about what your mum said to you. They make it really difficult sometimes!
ReplyDeleteLike others before me have commented, if you have a choice with the therapist, make sure you choose carefully. Seeing a therapist is much better than the second option, so you want to do the therapist thing right.
xx
Oh love, I am so sorry. <3
ReplyDelete