I want to be good SOO bad. I try so hard during the day to avoid everything that might make me gain. I despise food and all that it does to me yet night time comes around and I inevitably pig out on crap and stuff my face with shit that I would never consciously put into my body. This morning I ate 4 hawaiian sweet rolls (110 cals each) and 3/4 cup of raisins (350 cals) I tried to purge it up once i realized what i had done but.... the rolls had turned to cement in my stomach and wouldnt budge.

I went to the store and picked up some slimquick drink mix packets and have had 2 so far in addition to 3 laxative pills. I feel soooo disgusting though because now I have a nasty bulge in my tummy. I went to the pool with kelly and she said I'm looking good. THat translates into: I'm glad you look fat because now I don't have to worry about your eating disorders. AWESOME KEL!!! hopefully my pool party wont be too terribly embarrassing. I'm going to a party full of figure skaters. figure skater=awesome body. bring on the confidence killers!!

hopefully the laxies will work before I leave so I can lose this horrid belly bulge. UGHHH 127.2 :(